The things no one tells you!

I think maybe because people tend to adhere to the belief that things only happen to them and not everyone else they stay quiet about their struggles. For several years we have been studying the topic of connection I assumed that because I am an extrovert that I had connection with people. But then something very unsettling began to happen about 3 years ago…LOSS!! I have not experienced a lot of loss in my life until now and never had a context for it. But now that is no longer the case.

Honestly, it has driven me further into my connection with the Trinity. I have learned through ministry training that often we relate to each member of the Trinity the way that we relate to each member of our family. For example, we relate to the Father God as we do our natural father. He is strong, present but distant, provider, maybe playful but unreliable. We automatically transfer our impressions onto Father God. Jesus is subconsciously related to our sibling connections. Maybe they did not stand up for us, maybe we had a close bond and find ourselves talking to Jesus more than the Father God in most of our prayers. The Holy Spirit we relate to our mothers. If mom tried to manipulate us or control us that is how we may view the Holy Spirit so we shy away from Him.

For me, having grown up being encouraged to develop my relationship with the Godhead, these definitions were easily adapted. I have talked to Father God about my connection to Him and am working on my connection with Jesus but feel most comfortable relating to the Holy Spirit. Go figure! With my recent losses it has caused me to turn to them, my support system. I run most everything past the Trinity. Not like a long drawn out conversation but rather matter of fact, just including them in my decision making process and asking their opinion about everything.

I had a best friend for years. She was very accessible and lived with us for many years. We were close. Now she lives out of state and I talk to her once a month and it remains surface due to time and proximity. My siblings all live states away, we do not participate in each other’s lives so our connection is very thin. My mom and very close relative passed away last year, never thought that would happen at the same time. I find myself thinking of them often and instead of being sad, I tell the Trinity to relay a message to them for me. It makes it all so real to communicate with God knowing that He is communicating with them.

My children are awesome, they are all home again and I love it. They are growing up and developing their own relationships, marring and having children and my role in their lives is changing. They are super respectful and kind, they welcome my input and love but it is not the same as it was while they were growing up. Our interactions are real but they have a new center. Their spouse has become their everything and their confidant. It is beautiful to witness and I celebrate this but…it is a loss nonetheless.

So what do we do with all the changes and the losses? Many would say that we are not losing, loss is part of life and I agree, it most certainly is. People come in and out of our lives every day and we learn to adapt and adjust. But…there is a constant, the one who is closer than a brother, the one who never leaves us or forsakes us, the one who was there when we were being formed and the one who will be there when we enter His kingdom. This relationship is the longest lasting, outstanding and durable. I can honestly remember talking to God at nine years old, when I first met Him and throughout my life, He has been at every major and minor event. He was there during tests in school, first loves, and heart breaks. He was at track meets and volleyball tournaments, He helped me get my first job and pass my driver’s test. He came to my wedding and was there on my honeymoon. He was in the delivery room with each birth and held my hand as I walked the children to school for the first time. He helped my buy my first home, preach my first sermon, and lead my first worship set. He was there as I traveled the world, in Africa, Myanmar, Peru, Columbia, Brazil, England in airports and bus stops, in taxi cabs and restaurants. He is my dad, my husband, my brother and my best friend. Connection is so important with people because God put people in our lives to help meet our needs but for me, truthfully, my best connection is with the Trinity. They have been at every event and will continue to be with me and the best part for me is that I will never lose them. There will never be a loss. They want to be with me as much as I want to be with them.